The ambassador from Calormen came up to the castle again today. I swear I was ready to ask him if there were sane people in his country, and if so, could we import a few of them. It's bad enough that my brother is a bigger queen than I am, but our patron deity writes poetry that makes you want to chew your own foot off. Then there's the faun perving on my little sister -- and if he keeps it up, I'm gonna rip his tail off and stuff it right up his ass -- and don't get me started on the White Witch. Does she know what our dental bills for Ed were like?

God, I need a drink.